single with vodkagood girl gone bad

okay, so i am the ultimate yo-yo exerciser. when i am into the gym, i am way into it. i work out for at least an hour 4-5 times a week. i get antsy if i want to go one day and my schedule doesn’t allow. i buy an entire workout wardrobe, stock up on workout bras, fuel up my ipod with my “gym jams” (no lie on the playlist name), buy an arsenal of hair things, acquire cute little white ankle socks, get new sneaks, & a matching water bottle. but, when i fall off the work-out wagon, i fall long and hard abandoning my beloved gym for months at a time. this usually happens in winter, when i tend to hibernate like a bear cub. when i finally do get back on the wagon again, i can’t imagine how i ever fell off in the first place. i turn into the eternally wearing work out clothes about town chick. i am really hoping that i am back on for good, but let’s see how cold it is this winter…

part of my love for the gym lies in the whole gym schtick. i love oogleing the young firm bucks (i do always get caught), checking out the parade of gym homecoming queens (i.e. perfectly toned silicone sisters), the over muscled macho men (always in a tank top), the hot trainers that work there (which, btw, is my only qualification for hiring a trainer), and all the other characters in between. i love seeing tons of people i know there & yenta-ing up a storm. i love that i have run into people i haven’t seen in ages & become reunited. in fact, just this morning, i collected another recruit for my single chicks cult.

i also really love taking the classes but i hate the real estate hierarchy of classes. when you’re a newbie you are relegated to a tiny spot in the back. only the die-hards that could teach the class themselves can stand in the front row. i hate the whole scrambling for position and not knowing the proper gear to retrieve from the closets and i absolutely despise not knowing the routine & feeling like i can’t keep up. as time goes by & you become an established member of the class, you can slowly start clawing your way up front & jockeying for prime instructor front property. it usually requires getting there way before the class begins so you can sprint in & dump your stuff in a spot. it is so cut throat in the popular classes, that no matter how chatty cathy friendly you think you are with the other chicks waiting, its all women for herself when those doors open. elbows are being thrown akin to a secret manhattan prada sample sale. some days i force myself to take a class when i am tired or just not really into it and i watch the clock like i did in high school & count down until its over. now with the gym being extra busy in the summer, i have given up on the classes altogether & settled for the elliptical. and i do truly love your comfortable no impact work out mr. elliptical, but some days i find myself a wee bit bored with you. but generally i love jammin’ out to my ipod, texting my pals, laughing out loud at comedy central with the closed captioning, & watching the peeps in front of me while breaking a mondo sweat on that lovely machine. i just don’t feel like i worked out unless i get that drippy sweat that cascades down my back & pools in my ass crack. now that is a good workout. i do feel like a hamster in a wheel though, doing my 30 minutes forward & 30 minutes backward. if i break it down, i am endlessly paying 40 bucks a month to rent an elliptical.

i tried yoga which i found to be a snore-fest which is really the very point of it. i just can’t relax on a higher level without alcohol being involved. i dig pilates but i am not a loyal follower. i want to get my arms buff but hate going onto the floor with all those guys that look like they are going to eat me for dinner. i need a workout buddy to transition myself over to the weight area or a hot trainer…

but let’s get back to my favorite thing about the gym other than elliptical induced endorphin rush- the people wtaching. jeebus, do i love the people watching!!! i dig watching the people on the treadmills that put the incline up to 10, the mph to 6, and then hold on for dear life to keep up. i used to love to watch the stair-master climbers at my old gym hunched over it climbing away at 90 mph. and from my observations, i have ascertained there is no just way for a dude to look straight while doing the elliptical. sorry guys. then there are the locker room rituals of which i have never really partaken. i don’t do the whole getting ready for my day after my workout thing. i don’t even use a locker for my purse. i annoyingly stick it into the tiny space between machines for others to trip over. the only thing i do in the gym locker room is actually fill up my water bottle in the bathroom sink which causes some chicks to look at me with a mix of disgust & horror.

now there is a snack bar at my gym & i don’t get the whole snack bar thing because its really anti-the reason i am there. plus it sucks to smell toasted bagels while i am working out before breakfast & starving. if they served vodka smoothies i might reconsider cause there are 2 dudes workin’ that snack bar that are waaaaay hot & we all know i like to work the cuties at the bar. actually i would love if they would come around and take coffee orders. that would make it just abso perfect.

so there you go, that’s my gym rant. who want’s to meet on the elliptical tomorrow?