still in love
it’s been awhile since i blogged. blame it on the suckass lemon mac back in the shop for a week for random un-guaranteed part replacements (another $300 to me & you, rusty). sigh.
today, i sit down with a heavy heart though. while i would love to be a clown all the time, i am only human and today is a tough day for the weinstein woman. today would have been my parents’ 40th wedding anniversary and i have felt it creeping up upon me like the inevitable end of summer, & the departing of the fireflies. the running joke in my family was how i forgot it every year and how my parents’ always forgave me. now it’s emblazoned upon my mind permanently – a date i can never again forget. and yes, alanis, it is ironic. of course i feel some pangs of guilt over that, but more so i am so very sad for my mother. i can only imagine how hard this day must be for her over all the other “firsts” she has had to endure since february and i feel not only the pain of my loss, but the pain of her grief as well.
in my classic “the good daughter” style, i am going to her house later to replace her automatic wall timers for the outdoor lights. an act that will confound the irony, because my father was the ultimate fix-it guy & these timers in particular are something that i associate solely with him. i am sure he was way ahead of his time as a homeowner, lo those many years ago, when he switched over to the programmable in wall timers as opposed to those primitive plug in deals. one of the first things he did when i moved into my house, was outfit us with those. “the useless one” of course, just watched him rather than actually helping, & remarked to me “why do we even need those.” to which i thought, “why wouldn’t we, mr. ungrateful?” growing up as kid in the ghett-o left it’s mark on my dad & he was always very security conscious living even in suburbia. naturally, proper lighting was important to foiling would be evil-doers.
then there was always a whole shtick to setting these damn things to actually operate the lights according to your lighting wishes. it took me years to get it right and my dad made endless trips over here to reset them for me. since dad is gone, the mantel has been passed on to me and i have been charged with that highly specialized task at mom’s house. and you can be sure that every time i go to my mom’s, she asks me to take at look at the timers and reprogram them. after infinite unsuccessful adjustments, we decided they are busted, & i will just put in new ones. it hasn’t occurred to my mom or me for one second to just take them out & actually use the wall switch as god intended to operate the outdoor lights. no way. we have been trained to use timers and dad gummit, use timers we shall. the commandments in the book of norm in the homeowner’s bible specifically state:” it is commanded that yea shall use programmable timers for operating all outdoor lighting.”of course i will be turning off the breakers not in the name of safety as dad taught me, (“susanne, you don’t fool around with electricity”), but rather so as not to electrocute myself with the tears that will surely be spilling over my bottom lashes while i do my electrical work. it just doesn’t seem right for me to be doing these things in his place with his tools, but i am sure he is pleased that he taught me well & i am taking care of my mother, his beloved wife. but, my lord, he has left some very big shoes to fill.
my parents anniversary always has coincided with labor day and the beginning of a new school year. as my almost 6 yr old prepares to begin first grade, it is a very bittersweet feeling for me. i am very excited for her, but conscious of my loss. my dad would have been waiting at the bus after school on her first day. both of my girls so loved when he surprised them with a visit after school. after requisite piggy back rides were completed, they would show him all of their papers and have a snack together. i am forever grateful for the time my children had with him.
and this year, in spirit, my father gifts us on his anniversary. he gifted me with his teachings that allow me to be the strong, independent woman i am that i will use to gift my mother by changing her timers. to those on the outside a small, possibly needless act, but to us it has enormous meaning.
the tool bench. you did not violate it ever.
Tags: anniversary, apple, electricity, fireflies, firelfy, light, mac, timer, tool bench, toolbecnch, tools
