me to 10 y/0: “do you put your lip balm on during the day?” “no, i have a very busy schedule – i barely even have time for the bathroom.”
10 y/o discussing the upcoming choral assembly which requires mandatory participation of all 5th graders: “i’m not going to sing. i’m just going to lip synch apples and bananas the whole time.”
7 y/o: “let’s play barbies.” 10 y/o: “okay let me just put ken in a non-ridiculous outfit first.”
7 y/o: this slinky can do anything.” 10 y/o: “no it can’t:[talking to slinky] make me a cup of coffee with extra cream. see?”
7 y/o: “i want to sleep in a little later tomorrow – so i can be up & running for my playdate.”
me: “have a real snack.” 10 y/o: “i will. i’m just finishing these 2 pieces of chocolate before they go bad – can’t let good gelt go to waste.”
10 y/o:” i told her mom to read your blog.” me: “oh no! please don’t tell your friends’ parents about my blog!” 10 y/0: “why not?” me: “because they wont let them play with you anymore.”
me: “i’m not listening to you bitch about anybody anymore.” 10 y/0: “bitch is not a verb.”
my mother is going to be in a play which requires some props. upon seeing such, 10 y/o said: “everyone wants to see grandmas in pj’s with teddy bears.”
10 y/o: “second granders eat so late – it’s at 1:50.” 7 y/o: “no, it’s $2.00. 3 if you get a snack.”
10 y/o: “can i read what you wrote about us or did you make into some sort of inappropriate twisted thing?”
my friend to 10 y/o: “do you still play babries?” 10 y/0 “yes. we play adult situations with barbie now.” and adult situations was in air quotes.
me: “ok, leave me alone and go watch some tv now.” 10 y/0: “i never thought the day would come where i would hear that.”
we were watching zoey 101 and i said to 10 y/o, “why is it her job to fix everything?” and she replied, “because she is the star of the show.”
10 y/o to me: “what are you reading in that magazine? 10 ways to a flat belly?”
me: “why is it taking you so long to get ready?” 10 y/0 “it takes a long time to brush my teeth, i have super halitosis.”
10 7/0: “i really like this keychian. can i have it when you’re old and take the bus?”
me to 10 y/o: “it’s tough being a woman.” 10 y/o: “yes. it’s not all manis/pedis.”
me to 7 y/o: “i need to get the sleeves shortened on this top.” 7 y/o: “wait – maybe your arms will grow.”
10 y/o: “mexicans speak mexican. spaniards speak spanish.” me: “mexicans speak spanish.” 7 y/o: “no, they speak spanishen.”
when at the book store w 10 y/o, i was pointing out some great books i read when i was her age and she said, “i don’t want to read old books. when were they written? in the 90′s?”
7 y/o: “mommy is that a fur coat?” me: “yes.” 7 y/o: “you are cruella de ville!”
me: “that cat is crazy.”
10y/o: “he’s not crazy. he’s just misunderstood”
10 y/o: “curiosity neutered the kitty.”
7 y/o: “who was that?”
me: “the ups man.”
7 y/o: “why do you know him?”
10 y/o: “beacuse she buys a lot of shoes.”
me: “that’s not true.”
10 y/o: “oh yeah. she buys purses too.”
7 y/o: “i need to wear my light up shoes today in case the power goes out.”
7 y/o: “i’m going to do leonardo davinski or king toot for my book report.”
me to 10 y/o: “if this isn’t a good time, i can call you back.”
10 y/o: “no, i’m available now.“
a few weeks ago i was at a friend’s house for a playdate with our kids which turned into a seven hour affair. we didn’t want them to realize how long they had been playing and letting us talk and we suspected that they didn’t want us to realize how long we were talking while they had been playing. so it was more of a standoff than an actual playdate.
me: “girls why are you yelling at each other?”
10 y/o: “she farted in my face.”
7 y/o: “no i didn’t. i farted at your stomach.”
10 y/o: “well it rose up and i smelled it.”
10 y/o: “here is a very beautiful poem i wrote. hang it up.”
i have packed most of the kitchen supplies for the impending move in a few weeks which prompted 7 year old to say: “we are sitting on the couch eating ice cream out of the container with plastic forks. we are not a normal family.”
7 year old: “mom when is the cleaning lady coming? the floor is dirty and i am stepping in it.” (yep- i’m raising them right.)
my mother accidentally took my keys when she left after dinner the other night completely unbeknownst to me. when she came back 5 minutes later to give them to me, 10 year old said: “it’s the blind leading the clueless.”
