upon reading the details of a contest on a drink cap and observing the list of prizes was followed by the promise of “and more,” 9 y/o snorted derisively, “ ‘and more’ is probably valued at a meat loaf.”
6 y/o to 9 y/o discussing the vacation they were going on with their father: “are we going to wisconsin?” “yes.” “maybe we will see my camp counselor – she said she was going there.”
i have promised 9 y/o she can get a kitten when we move (no, i don’t really want one, but it was a moment of weakness due to major divorce guilt), and knowing what a handful kittens can be, i said i would prefer (like it matters) to adopt an older cat that we know is a lap cat. 9 y/o’s reply: “with a kitten there is no need for a lap cat, it’s a hand cat. cup of coffee in one hand, handcat in the other.”
on one saturday, my only day to sleep late that particular week, 9 y/o arose bright and early and watched tv until her sister and i woke up. when i finally emerged from my room, i asked her if she wanted some breakfast and she said, “no thanks. i ate tortilla chips and i’m full now.”
part 1: 9 y/o woke up and told me she wasn’t feeling well. since, i had to work that day, we had a spirited debate about whether or not she was really sick enough to stay home & necessitate the need for me to call out & lose pay for a day. she told me, “that’s what you signed up for as a parent. you didn’t have to give birth to me if you didn’t want to call out.”
part 2: so, my mother came to watch 9 y/o, so i could work the few meager hours for which i was scheduled and 9 y/o was so grateful, that she said, “if i ever need to take care of grandma, i will take off.”
9 y/o to grandma when she came visit one afternoon, “grandma, did you bring any food?”
9 y/o was loving on her sister and it was so cute, i couldn’t help letting loose a giggle, and she reprimanded me with: “i am trying to have an emotional moment here.”
me: “i just need a few minutes to finish writing this last paragraph.” 9 y/o snidely says to 6 y/o: “c’mon let’s go upstairs so she can finish writing about us.” they will thank me for documenting their childhood when they’re 30.
6 y/o: “would you rather have a mushy squishy tushy or a bony butt?”
6 y/o ” mommy, can you play barbies with us?” me, well i was just doing some work here on the computer right now.” 9 y/o, “oh so, watching tv and drinking wine is work?’
9 y/o discussing barbie’s ride with 6 y/o, “she drives a corvey.”
9 y/o telling me something about “silly bands (the newest overpriced crap fad to hit the grade school set), ” to which i replied in disbelief, “really?” and she said, “yes. i do not lie about silly bands.”
this summer, their camp had a “winter in july” day to which the girls had to bring a sled. since it was kind of large, i started to help 9 y/o bring it to the bus. she stopped me and told me she would do it herself. i said, “am i really that embarrassing? “in unison, both girls replied, “yes.” (sigh. et tu 6 year old?
i gave up on tanning in my 20′s even tho i am so white i am almost transparent. upon noticing how pale my legs are, 9 y/o said, “mommy you need a tan, you’re whiter than coraline.”
9 y/o: “there was only one thing about camp i didn’t like this summer: one day the ice cream was only for the CIT’s and i got really mad. i take my ice cream very seriously.”
6 y/o: “mommy, will you go on the tatter totter with me?”
me to 6 y/o at breakfast: “i gave you 6 mini-pancakes and then you asked me for 3 more, so how many did you have altogether?” 6 y/o: “i don’t know. i don’t have math in my head. it’s summer!”
normally, i strap these puppies down at night, but once in awhile they roam free. one morning, 6 y/o noticed and exclaimed in horror, “mommy! you are not wearing a bra!” me: “and, why do you care?” 6 y/o, “i am the bra police.”
6 y/o in cereal aisle asking me if she can buy a particular cereal, “mom does this have crap in it?” i have taught them well.
6 y/o: “mommeeeeeee, come get this spider web.” “it’s not a spider web; it’s a cob web.” “what are cobs?”
my sister & i used to read “the archies” digest comic books when were mere lasses & actually saved them lo’ these many years. 9 year old recently discovered the giant stack of them at her grandmother’s house and is now a fan. that being said, she is collecting the modern day editions. so, i told her to save them for when she is older and she will be glad she did. 6 y/o said, “yeah, so she can sell them online.” to which, i laughed heartily. in response to my amusement, 9 y/o said, “she is following in your footsteps.”
9 y/o came home from school the other day most distressed upon learning a classmate has a heart condition & is not allowed to eat any chocolate. she said, “it’s the saddest thing i have ever heard.”
6 y/o heard the word chocolate and came over to investigate. when she learned there was, in fact, no actual chocolate, she said, “there is no chocolate here. i’m bored, ” and promptly walked away.
6 y/o saw my sister’s stretched belly (she is 6 months pregnant with twins) and said, “what happened to her bikini button?”
9 y/o had some dry skin on her face and i told her i would give her some lotion to put on it. upon hearing this she said, “yes, i need some for sensible skin.” chuckling, i said, “i think you mean sensitive.
me to 9 y/o getting a snack to eat while watching tv: “don’t eat that on the couch!” 9 y/o, “i know the drill.”
while waiting for the bus one morning, the girls and i noticed the neighbors were having their roof replaced. the guys were yelling back and forth which prompted 9 y/o to say, “that may be the first conversation, i have ever heard on someone’s roof.”
me to 6 y/o struggling with a task: “can i help you with that, so it doesn’t take so long?” she replied, “no, i like to be independent,” which, of course, made me giggle. she then said, “i just knew you were going to laugh, somehow.”
i had caught a terrible cold from the girls recently and was struggling with the decision to drag myself into work or take a sick day. 9 y/o said, “go ahead, take the day off.”
9 y/o was making her belly button “sing.” she said, “it’s belly button karaoke.”
the girls are very interested in my sister’s pregnancy and have a basic understanding of how the babies grow. the other day, my 9 y/o asked me about the enchilada attached to the baby. i thought for a moment and realizing what she meant, said, “it’s called a placenta.” she replied, “enchilada, quesadilla, placenta. whatever”
i questioned if something 9 y/o said was really true, and she replied, “i swear on my cupcake.”
