a few confessions from my diary of motherhood:

1. when playing interminable, yet fascinating games with my kids like candy land,  i slip the winning card in the pile for them to pick on their next turn when they aren’t looking so the game can end.

2. 90% of shows recording on my dvr are cartoons…that i watch.

3. when doing my kids’ laundry, if the clothes look clean, i.e., no obvious signs of dirt or stains, i fold them up & put them back in their rooms.

4.due to over-squeezing, my kids have forbade me from further tushy grabbing. so to get my fix, much the same way people ask, can i pet your dog?”, i will ask if i can squeeze your child’s tush.

5. i consider microwave popcorn or chips & salsa perfectly acceptable dinner choices.

6. since my first baby was born, i have redefined my personal hygiene. the new standards are quite lax.

7. several famous people i would love to meet are actually cartoon characters.

8. i have spiked my water bottle. many times.

9. during any given week, i do not brush my teeth 4 out of 7 mornings or 3 out of 7 nights.

10. sometimes i pretend not to hear my kids fighting or calling for me.

11. i have turned the heels of the bread inside out & used them to make school lunch.

12. many times when something seems to have been lost, i have previously disposed of it & then vehemently denied such.

13. sometimes i watch the disney channel at the gym..by choice.

14. i don’t dust anything above my eye level. at 5’0, this allows me a wide berth.

15. sometimes, i eat the school snacks before the kids even knew they were brought home from the supermarket.

16. i secretly hope they won’t finish their mac ‘n cheese/chicken nuggets/pizza so i can eat the leftovers.

17. to facilitate getting ready in the morning, i will pretend i don’t know they didn’t brush their teeth or hair.

18. i once instituted a sticker chart for myself. it was a great success.

19. my 5 yr old does a spot on dr. zoidberg impression.

20. i think phineas & ferb is the most brilliant cartoon ever created.

21. i have convinced my kids that posing for pictures & smiling dammit at any given time i demand, is what they owe me for giving them life.

22. when the girls refuse to clean up their stuff, i grab a garbage bag and tell them i will do it myself. this always gets immediate results.

23. some nights i am so tired, i ask my 8 yr old to read me a story.

24. i love those 2 girls more than anything in the entire world and i marvel at their intelligence & beauty.

25. i had no idea how much my parents did for me, nor did i appreciate any of it until i had my own kids.