9 year old: “mommy, when you die can i have those earrings great grandma gave you?” me: “umm, sure.” 6 year old: “can i have your sesame street t-shirts, then?”
9 year old told me a story about being with a friend who put some candy in her pocket at a store without paying for it and she said the girl “knew better.” she then continued to tell me that she was displeased with being in that situation and proclaimed, “she can have fun with me, but legally.”
9 year got new glasses today. she put them on & then immediately belted out, “i can see clearly now…”
in the process of packing up the house, the girls discovered several bags of unopened halloween candy i had stashed away for next year (yeah – that’s right, i have no issue handing out stale candy). 9 year old said with the heartbreaking look of betrayal only a child can portray, “how could you have kept this a secret?”
it occurs to me that while i write about them, i keep telling the girls to leave me alone so i can write about them.
9 year old after arguing with grandmother about heating up leftover pizza: “i do like this pizza warm.” grandmother: “i know. you’re just used to eating everything cold.” me: “ouch.”
my sister is pregnant with twins about which the girls are very excited. there has been much speculation between them as to if it will be 2 girls, 2 boys, or a “set.” should it be “one of each,” 9 year said, “i call the girl.”
me: “after you finish your homework, please clean up your room.” 6 year old: “i can’t – i have other plans for after my homework is done.”
6 year old: “my friend said that her bus driver gives them ice pops in the summer & hot chocolate in the winter. ” me: “i’m not sure the bus driver would do that since so many kids have food allergies.” 9 year old: “no, they can’t. eating is strictly prohibited on the bus. it says so.”
6 year old was trying to wiggle her most recent loose tooth out and i said, “i am not sure the tooth fairy is prepared for a tooth to fall out tonight.” then 9 year old said: “well. maybe she can give her something homemade – with a paperclip.”
6 year old after overhearing her father on the phone with a client: “daddy, why do you need so many chairs?” father: “what do you mean?” 6 year old: “you said on the phone you needed 2000 chairs.” father (a stockbroker): “that’s shares.”
i painted my nails pink the other night of which my 9 year old took notice and remarked, “it’s been years since i saw anything but a french on your nails.”
9 year old announced, “i am only using this shirt for pajamas from now on. it makes me look like i have boobs.” me: “i thought you wanted boobs -you are completely obsessed with getting them.” 9 y/o: “i am but i want them at the regular age. this shirt makes me looks like i have trainer boobs.”
9 y/o discussing her little crush: “we are meant for each other: we both hate ketchup, we both like honey mustard, we both hate crusts, and we both lie for no reason.”
9 y/o noticing the compact florescent bulbs in the outdoor fixtures: “oh, you used those curly-q light bulbs. now people will know you are green-system.”
grandmother to 6 y/o: “you’re really good at art. you should take lessons. ” 6 y/o “if i’m so good why do i need lessons?”
9 y/o: “something came to my attention.” me: “what’s that.” 9 y/o: “my belly button is all crusty.”
me to 9 y/o: “i can’t believe you’re going to be a fifth grader.” 9 y/o “yeah and then i’ll be middle school. i’ll be shaving in a few years.”
9 y/o: “photo shoot” with grandma’s cat: “now, give me naughty kitty.”
me on phone with 9 y/o: “is the plumber still there?” 9 y/o: ” yes, and i saw his crack.”
9 y/o: “he had a quack in his voice” me: “what?????” 9 y/o: “you know the saying ‘a frog in your throat?’ well, he had a quack.”
our californian cousins came to visit us during memorial day weekend. between the 3 of us we have 5 girls ranging from 15 months to almost 10 years old. hilarity and much squealing ensued:
our cousins got into town late, so we went to their hotel room to visit with them a bit before bedtime. the girls were all so excited to see each other that they got slightly rambunctious. so, i said we all needed to be quiet because people might be sleeping in the other rooms and my 9 year old backed me up by saying, “yeah, you’ll wake the elderly.”
after a particularly messy day with her cousins that involved barefoot activities, 9 year old proclaimed she needed a shower to wash her “blackened feet.” 6 year old asked if she could go in the shower with her and i said it was up to her sister, to which 9 year replied, “sure. God Bless her if she wants to go in with me.”
9 year old needed to take the toothbrush her grandmother keeps at her house for a spontaneous overnight at the hotel with her cousins and when her grandmother said it was no problem, she then said to grandma, “will you be a dear and get it for me?”
my cousin took his daughter & my 9 year old into The Big Apple one of the days to do all sorts of fun things. one of the stops was Dylan’s Candy Bar where my cuz asked her if they should bring back a tequilla lollipop for me as a joke. without skipping a beat she replied, “my mommy likes vodka.”
after dinner with the cousins one night at my mother’s house, we ignored our kids, while three of the girls played in my mother’s large walk in closet and we could hear that they were getting quite rowdy. cuz & i glanced over our wine glasses at my mother to see if we should intervene and she just said, “not my kids.” and we both replied, “not my closet.”
after a day filled with sugar, grandma brought out the cupcakes. 9 year old noticing my displeasure said, “grandma makes trouble.”
at great adventure we all went to the restroom but somehow became separated from my mom and sister and they ended up in different parts of the park after the pit stop. my group wondered how this was so & concluded my mom & sis must have exited the rest rooms a different way than we did, to which 9 year old said, “well, with them, it’s the blind leading the blind.”
my cuz needed to entertain his daughter one day when my girls were with their dad & i was at work. after brainstorming several activities, he chose a local water park i had suggested. i had warned him that the element of people that frequented that particular establishment were a bit “white trashy” and i was sure the carnies, themselves, must go there on vacation. when he came back & i asked him what he thought, he told me, “well, it wasn’t blue collar, it was orange jumpsuit.”
while eating dinner at the park my sister felt something cold on her arm. apparently, our adorable 3 year cousin decided to rest her cheesestick upon it, to which our aunt, their nana, said, “honey, please don’t put your food on people.”
and adults say funny things too:
i texted my pal that she should google ShaToBu.com – it’s a calorie burning undergarment for chicks. she texted me back: “is that that whacky japanese animation porn? i had roomate who watched it and he was a pig.” i literally LOLed when i read that!
