the divorce is the first thing my husband and i have agreed upon in the 14 years since we got married.
i’m thinking about hosting a dinner party – my wine rack is empty.
people tell me i look a lot younger than i am – i think vodka may have preservative qualities.
it really troubles me how poorly my family communicates; but i’m not going to say anything…
not only are some days a complete waste of makeup, but they are also a complete waste of contacts.
i am so happy i had 2 girls – i can’t wait until we are all on the rag at the same time.
my kids are seeing a therapist because i prefer to pay someone to listen them bitch about me so i don’t have to.
in these past 3 months, i have been caught in the middle of more than one marital spat over paint colors. so, one day i cheerfully told a particularly angry couple that i get $9.80 per hour to mix paint, but i charge $325 for mediation.
if i don’t call back, don’t take it personally -it’s only because i don’t want to.
not only am i my own worst enemy – but i am my own worst pusher.
i am so organized, my items for curbside bulk collection were all sorted and labeled. i take pride in having the neatest trash in my neighborhood.
self involvement is extremely time consuming.
it’s not really the possibility of catching an std that worries me about sleeping with strangers, it’s more the being found in a hotel room dead and chopped up into a million tiny pieces. i can just imagine that being explained to the kids: “well, girls, you see, mommy was a bit of a slut…”
when my kids tell me long stories i totally zone out. they never have a point anyway.
how much of a leap is it to make vodka from the decomposing potatoes in my pantry that i keep buying & forgetting i have? it seems such a waste to throw them out. while we are at it, what can you make out of onions?
for most women, me included, the supermarket is a major social event. it would really be helpful if they would install chatting & non-chatting aisles.
