single with vodkagood girl gone bad

as people come in and out of my life, i believe more and more that there is a karmic element to the interactions of humans. like one day, for no tangible reason, you decide to park by the other entrance to target that you never use and run into an old pal in the card section. and you think, “man, i am so happy that chance meeting happened. i have missed her tremendously.” or when you are randomly thinking about somebody and they call you or you run into them that day. sometimes i think we have “unfinished business.” perhaps you left off on bad terms with someone and never got the chance or had the balls to make it right and just like that, one day life, or facebook, plops them back into your vision you get to make amends. since i am prone to heap much of the blame on myself, i have walked around for years pouring over every detail of an ended friendship to figure out what i did to end it. these random reunions have allowed me to find closure. to actually ask the person, “why, oh, why did you dump me as your bff?” you know what? most of the time, it turns out i did nothing (ok, maybe just something mildly annoying). it was just lives going on different paths combined with me being terrible at keeping in touch with people. that is why i love technology for allowing me to become a better communicator. its true that email, fb, texting, etc., allows me to get off the hook for actually calling. and truth be told i am not the hugest phone person anymore despite my voluminous phone bills during my teen and college years. my dad absolutely despised the whole texting phenomenon citing, “people your age don’t talk anymore.” and “don’t text me.” while that is true, i actually communicate more than i ever did, with more people than i ever did, better than i ever did. emails are the modern letter and with texts i can exchange a quick snippet every day rather than have a 2 hour phone convo every 6 weeks which i quite frankly don’t want to have (serious attention span issues, people). technology has allowed me to reconnect with people with whom i never would have had that opportunity to do so. it has also allowed me to meet new people with whom i never would have been in contact in my daily life. it has actually allowed to me to feel closer than ever to friends and family. long distances seem shorter. i know i suck at listening to messages and returning phone calls, but i am uber speedy with a return text. true, i make up my own texting lexicon that others find reading akin to code-breaking. i am far wittier in writing than in real life ( which is really, really witty, because quite frankly, i am quick with the wit in person too). just ask my sister how lame-ass our communication was until we discovered texting. we could go weeks without speaking until texting came along. now we “talk” via text every day. and attention whores like me, absolutely jizz when that phone buzzes with a text. i am always excited to see what surprise awaits me when i hit open on that cute little envelope. there are some people with whom i exchange texts all day long, every day from a “gm” text to a “gn” text (here’s where you suebies [sue newbies] have to break the code) and i feel like i have company all day. i am sad when that damn phone is quiet. i am SO aware of how needy this is, but after years of a lonely marriage, texting makes me feel adored, appreciated, attended to, and no longer alone.

and for those of us who have lovingly embraced technology and all it has to offer, those of you who refuse to do the same absolutely make us nuts. refusing to text, return emails, join facebook, use twitter, or any new technology based on no viable reason, other than most likely the fear of the unknown, is like saying “i don’t want to communicate with you.” please, join the party. you are missing out. we want to find you in our lives again you are never to old to learn something new. oops, got on my soap box again. sorry.

as usual, i have digressed enormously from my original point: no matter what my belief in a greater power may be, i still feel people come and go in our lives for a reason. sometimes it’s not clear but it just makes us happy. maybe the circumstances of how that person came into your life or returned to it are less than pure. but so be it. maybe we just don’t have to question it. “it is what it is.” if losing my father taught me anything, its that life is short and our relationships are the most important thing we have or do in life. how much we affect others with the simple giving of ourselves. allowing oursleves to be loved without question and loving back are the greatest gifts i think we, humans, can give each other. sometimes the coming, means there will be an inevitable going. your time together was limited. but it doesn’t diminsh that time spent. we all make a difference to someone out there. that is a great responsibility we must oversee wisely because we touch each others lives in ways we can’t even imagine. long after you have left, someone may still be feeling your effects upon them. we all know someone that changed our own life and outlook profoundly and we must realize that from a simple daily interaction to a close intimate bond, the ways we treat others is our legacy.

so text me…please?

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2.me & jennifer stevenson at UD 1991