Posts Tagged: resolutions

the suevolution(tm) / true but unecessary confessions / Uncategorized — 2 Comments
2
Jan 11

Happy Sue Year!

like i said last year, i don’t make new year’s resolutions anymore because i know i’m not gonna keep ‘em. let me give you an idea of how this type of thing has gone in the past:

i resolved to eat better, so i had a yogurt for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and an entire pizza for dinner.

i resolved to exercise more, so i joined a gym, worked out every day for 2 weeks, and then took a break for 6 months.

i resolved to cut back on carbs, so i stopped eating bread and replaced it with pretzels, popcorn, and tortilla chips.

i resolved to drink less, so i replaced the vodka with wine, and later the wine with vodka.

i resolved to do more things with my kids, so i watched tv with them.

i resolved to date men my own age, so i slept with a string of random 20 year olds.

i resolved to be more assertive, so i acted like a huge bitch.

i resolved to communicate better with those i love, so i talked to them less.

i resolved to stay out of the malls, so i shopped online.

i resolved to lose the last 5 pounds, so i gained 10.

i resolved to take better care of myself, so i started going to bed without washing my face or brushing my teeth.

i resolved to give myself more time in the morning by setting my alarm to wake me earlier, so i snoozed until i woke up late.

i resolved to let my hair grow long, so i stopped shaving.

i resolved to read more and watch less tv, so i leafed through catalogs while watching my dvr.

i resolved to be more patient with others, so i tried to convince my gynecologist to give me a prescription for xanax.

i resolved to save money, so i started picking up loose change up off the floor.

i resolved not to settle and to find someone who really gets me, so i got a cat.

i resolved to drink more water, so i added ice cubes to my vodka.

i resolved to floss every day, so i avoided the dentist for 14 months.

i resolved to take up a hobby, so i collected one night stands.

i resolved to get more rest, so i started taking sleeping pills.

i resolved to cook more for my kids, so i got frozen dinners.

i resolved to keep my house clean, so i hired a cleaning service.

i resolved to make some new single friends, so i hung out with my kids on their playdates.

i resolved to be more of a “morning person,” so i started drinking more coffee.

i resolved to be strong, so i cried in the night when no one was looking.

i resolve to make 2011 the year of The Suevolution(tm). so, let’s see how that goes.

like swv on facebook too!

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Uncategorized — 1 Comment
1
Jan 10

resolution solution

confetti

i stopped making new year’s resolutions a few years ago when decided it was a futile exercise designed to make me feel shitty about myself; especially since i didn’t keep them up past january 3rd. this year i am taking it a step further – i am making a list of what i resolve not to do this year. i am optimistic i will have no problem with this year’s list…

for 2010, the year of the gggb, i  resolve NOT to:

  1. eat less, drink less, or exercise more.
  2. make my bed.
  3. stop procrastinating.
  4. text less & call more.
  5. listen to my voice mails.
  6. cut back on shoe, purse, & coat purchases.
  7. remember coupons.
  8. give up $4.00 daily lattes.
  9. kick my kids out of my bed at night.
  10. stop making multiple lists of crap to do that i wont do anyway.
  11. clean more.
  12. get up earlier than my kids on school days.
  13. squeeze my kids’ tushies less.
  14. drink enough water.
  15. floss. ever.
  16. lose that eternal 5 pounds.
  17. conserve light bulbs in these most “dire economic times.”
  18. worry about the small stuff or even most of the big stuff.
  19. stop missing my dad every day.
  20. brush my teeth before noon.
  21. stop picking my zits.
  22. eat less chocolate.
  23. “rescuing” stray change or bills from the laundry.
  24. stop embarrassing my girls by wearing my jammies & slippers to put them on the bus every morning.
  25. make anything for breakfast that can not be microwaved & ready for consumption in  23 seconds.
  26. keep the civil in civilization.
  27. make any real resolutions.

hmm. seems a lot like 2009…

**and  now, a segment,  new to 2010**

***The Hat’s Corner***

in an effort to bring humor back into humorless, this space is dedicated to you Mr. Hat, if you could just check this space regularly for personal messages since you are a regular reader now…

can you pick up some milk for the girls? 2%. 1/2 gallon is good.

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