so, i know i am way overdue for a fabulously funny post, but post-divorce life has been so deliciously full and busy that i just haven’t had the time to write. so, once again, i submit to you, dear readers, a much too short, gratuitous, easy way out, my kids are awesome post. gimme another month or three & the posts should be flowing once again like the wine i drink…
i have been getting the house ready for sale for about 2 months now and the girls are very in tune to the changes i have made for “staging.” one of the things recommended to me was to put a tea kettle on the range which i did. last night, there were 2 pots on the range from dinner & 6 year old said to me: “you put the pots on there too?” apparently i don’t cook all that much.
the girls were wrestling until 9 year old got hurt. when i went to see what the nature of the injury was, she said: “she hurt the apple of my cheek.”
me: “who keeps leaving water bottles around the house?” 9 year old: “not me. i did not leave those half-drInken.”
9 year telling me about her friend at camp the other day: “she got hit by a softball which really isn’t soft at all.”
me to 6 year old: “your counselors must think you are so cute.” 6 year old: “yes. yes they do.”
while pouring apple juice for 9 year old, i finished the remains of one bottle and was about to add more from a new bottle of a different brand. she stopped me and said, “i don’t like my juices mixed.”
while pouring frosted flakes from the bag, 6 year old said with great despair, “all the good sugar is on the bottom.”
6 year old used the toilet after i had cleaned it with some blue stuff. she came out of the powder room with a very concerned look on her face and said to me, “mommy, something is wrong. my pee pee came out green.”
9 year old had a stomach virus a few weeks ago, this exchange occurred:
9 yr old: “after i regurgitate i am still very gassy. i call them my aftershocks.”
me: “well, it smells awful”
6 year old: “well, yours are worse, mommy.”
9 y/o telling 6 y/o about a camp game she played called “business:”"they teach us how to make an affordable profit.”
me to 6 y/o: “you didn’t brush your teeth this morning.” 6 y/o: “it’s ok – i brushed them yesterday.”
9 y/o:”my advice, if you don’t have the cutest toes, is not to wear flip flops.”
9 y/o: “i am an O pal.” me: “a what?” 9 y/o: “an O pal. it’s my birthstone.”
6 y/o looking at a photo of someone sewing: “what’s that thing on her thumb?” 9 y/o: “it’s a thUmble.”
9 y/o: “is that music in our car or someone else’s?” me: “i want you to just think about that question.” 9 y/o: “oh.”
me to 6 y/o who is watching a movie: “is this the movie or a preview?” 6 y/o: “it’s a featured preview.”
9 y/o to 6 y/o discussing what to wear to camp the next day: “if your pits sweat like mine, i recommend wearing a tank top.”
upon noticing i was watching the new newlywed game hosted by carnie wilson, 9 y/o asked: “are you watching the fat bachelorette?”
the girls were playing an online dress-up game and 6 y/o asked what t-strap shoes were. 9 y/o informed her, ” high heels that are strap-ons.” i nearly spit out my drink.
playing the same game, 9 y/o said her character went to get her eyebrows done at “pluckers.”
upon hearing the alarm & me saying it was time to get up, 9 y/o said with her eyes still closed, “dos minutos, por favor.” that is it – she is cut off from plaza sesamo!
