i have hit another huge milestone since the divorce: i got my first set of junk mail labels with my new last name.
people are surprised how soft & silky my pussy is – well, i do brush him every day.
you know what is total BS? having a middle aged body with teen-aged skin. i hope clearasil makes a wrinkle cream.
my pussy is getting such a thick coat of fur – he must be preparing for the winter.
mimes & ventriloquists: if they all suddenly disappeared & never returned, i doubt anyone would really care.
dana: my son needs pictures of things that start with “W.” is a wine bottle inappropriate?
i am starting to think having a pussy is more trouble that it’s worth – he is destroying my house.
long live grapes and batteries.
i am converting to a new religion: Born Again Bitches. the church choir will be called The Sisterhood of the Traveling Tampon.
people always ask if i decide to get remarried, will i want more kids. more kids? i’m not sure i even want the ones i already have.
it may be time to upgrade the shower massager to a power washer…
carpe dickem! seize the dick.
i don’t need a full brazillian since i just want my ass crack waxed. what would that be? a grecian?
i’m working on a divorce recovery program: basically it involves a lot of drinking, some minor pill popping, and a ton of meaningless sex with strangers. I am calling it My 20′s.
when it comes to blow jobs there are 2 kinds of women besides swallowers and spiters: the generous & the stingy. the generous are happy to do it any time for anyone and don’t mind their head being pushed into a strange crotch. the stingy think it’s a special gift to be doled out at their whim that better be gratefully received and never actually requested. food for thought…
you know what having the first fight means? having the first make-up sex.
i totally misconstrued the meaning of The Freshman 15 – i thought it was how many guys you were supposed to sleep with the first semester.
you are not truly on a budget until you are buying 1 ply toilet paper.
seen on the back of a dump truck on my way into work this morning: “our goal is to fill your hole.” well, why didn’t you say so, earlier?
i think it’s time to get my rug cleaned. come to think if it, the carpets could use a shampoo too.
do not get the “mexican blend” coffee at wawa – it’s a scam – there is absolutely no tequilla in it.
all men think they are bobby flay on the grill and ron jeremy in the bedroom.
college kids today have so many advantages we didn’t – i can only imagine how much more enriching my educational experience would have been with cell phones, the internet, and gift cards.
it’s really important to eat enough fruit & vegetables - so i have 2-5 servings of orange, raspberry, & lemon vodka a day.
do you think the percentage of couples that break up after jan 1 is equal to the percentage that start dating october 1st?
if you can send your dog to obedience school, then why not your man? who’s a good boy? yes, you are! you’re my good boy!
and what about bringing him to the kennel, for that matter, when you need a vacation?
men, can’t live with ‘em, can’t lick your own pussy.
pussies rub themselves to get their scent on everything & claim ownership. that’s one of the things you have to put up with when you own a cat…or a woman.
ho, ho, ho? well, no wonder why santa is so merry.
you better not spit, you better get plowed. santa balls is coming to town.
if you fart in the forest and there is no one around to hear it, does it still smell?
so i told my bf he could come in my back door anytime – i gave him the spare key.
like these Tales of my Debauchery? then register here and like me there: facebook
