single with vodkagood girl gone bad

1. its an open request line where can request “something a little more upbeat.”

2. it is her opportunity to regale everybody with all the embarrassing stories from college she can remember about me & apparently she can remember many (curse my poor memory/binge drinking).

since, i’m a good sport and i’m happy just to have some readers, i shall honor both requests (but this means war & i will post an equally embarrassing picture of her at the end of this post).

so today, i shall share her most favorite humiliating story about me which stars a guy, his beeper number, & possible charges of stalking:

once upon a time there were four partners in crime: steiner, miller, kalish (who didn’t frequent the bars – something about not drinking underage & a really cute bf), & ness (short for “sueness,” beacuse apparently i became an adjective at one point). so, we went out on thursday night to congo craig’s as we always did (of course, only after studying copiously). not only were we stalking her current crush, dan the man, but it was her 21st birthday. so you know all kinds of trouble was a-brewin. after flirting with the bouncers, bartender, & random schmucks at the bar (carefully avoiding the local serial killers that frequented the gainesville college bars), we spotted our prey. it was dan the man & crew with a new addition: a very hot pal visiting from out of town. we siddled up to them on the dance floor, shook our groove thangs and danced til the bar closed. i sucked face with my hottie unapologetically for hours in the bar, because, hey, i am one classy chick. eventually it became clear it was time for the grand finale (we knew this because the ugly lights came on): the 3 couple hook up (one locale, but indivdually as couples, not a massive orgy. though that probably would have been fun but no way millie was sharing the prized catch). now, miss miller had been planning this hookup for 2 semesters. this was her g-damn swan song. i was beyond hot for the visitor which meant steiner had to take one for the team (yeah, guys we have to do it too). we all went back to dan’s, much fun ensued until the dawn broke and we left with random dude t-shirts as is customary college hook-up practice (by the way, i think miller had dan’s t shirt until her engagement…).

now the next week was spring break & we were all going to palm beach to stay with steiner at her house & hit the town (incidentally, that beach pix which is on my boob post is from that week). well, turns out dan & crew would be there as well. hot dude had given me his beeper number on the night of “the great hook-up,” and told me to beep him when we got to town. i was tha-rilled! the minute i was in town , i beeped the dude. i didn’t hear from him, so i began an all out beeping campaign. i am so obsessive, i didn’t realize i was stalking this dude. steiny & millie are like, “sue, that’s probably enough,” but i was having none of it because at this point i was sure the beeper “must be broken.” so instead of ruthlessly carousing the bars, as horny spring breakers are supposed to do, i spent the next several nights on high alert looking for my prey. i never did find him but we did run into dan & crew who avoided me like the crazy psycho-bitch i was. oh, good times, good times. i think it is way funny how as obsessed i was with this dude, i can’t even remember his name anymore. i guess i eventually got over the rejection and looking back, i would have run away from me too if i saw me coming after that unyielding beeping. good thing we didn’t have texting then. what an extra hot mess i would have been.

well, it’s 16 years later, once again i find myself single and heading into a long weekend. i think i am gonna look for that guy, but this time i will get his cell number so i can text him…relentlessly.

* i let millie read this post before it went live (as we in the blog biz say. ok, i just say it.) and the following was her reponse. i felt no need to edit. clearly, she has a mouth as big as mine & that is why we’re college sweethearts: