not quite what dr. seuss had in mind, but i think he’d approve:

you’re a dumbass, mr. hat.

you really are a tool.

you’re as welcome as a hemorroid,

in a public swimming pool.

mr. hat.

you’re a dingleberry

in filthy underoos.

you’re a fucknuts, mr hat.

your brain is wired wrong.

your soul is full of malice,

you’ve got lemons in your bong.

mr. hat.

i would’t fuck you with a -

nother dudes’s big ol’ hairy schlong.

you’re a loser. mr. hat.

you’re so ugly in and out.

you have all the sex appeal,

of a tranny with the gout.

mr. hat.

given the choice between the two of you

i’d take the tranny with the gout.

you’re a giant baby, mr. hat

but you made a ton of bucks.

your wallet will soon be empty,

you truly are so fucked.

mr. hat.

merry EX-mas, mr. hat

xoxo,

swv